To Give or Not to Give?

To Give or Not to Give?
A dime to a beggar.

The question in present day scenario is: Is it Right or Wrong?
Are we actually helping by keeping few coins in their dirt smeared hands? Or, are we just encouraging the Big Whole Begging Mafia, where the children are caught in villages and amputated to arouse sympathy in the people at a Traffic signal.

Its true we will never be able to find out the reality behind these Traffic Signals. At the same time, It is equally hard not be shaken up by these small children carrying babies and telling you they have not eaten anything since days! We 'intellectuals' read and are aware, we know the behind-the-scenes truth of it all, That, these children are exploited by the Street Mafia for street money. Which makes it a conflicting situation for us, It is not charity anymore. It has become a question of Right or Wrong.

Few days back on the Railway station, a small girl- Imagine any child artist from Slumdog Millionaire of the age 6-8; tugged my Kurta and looked into my Eyes with a hopeless expression. Her Eyes swayed with total nonchalance. But in that one instant, I heard her say a thousand words.. Not of her hard life, but of the fact that she did not expect me to comply to her demand. I could sense that she was restless to go to the next person and was just waiting for me to nod my head and shoo her away! Her Child Like Innocence which was so ignorant of the hardships she has unknowingly set herself to endure in her growing years, crushed my heart!
That was her Routine. That is what she was taught to make a living. That is what she has learned at her impressionable age.

Asking. Begging.

Her Remarkable Eyes.. told the story of her nonchalance to the rejection she faced everytime she uttered those words- probably the only words she knows how to speak fluently in 3 languages!.... kuch nahi khaya is and in native etc etc.

At that moment all my senses were focused on her. The heinous cruelty of this world hit me yet another time, and I just gave away all the change I had to that girl. She looked at me, smiled and then with the same charateristic nonchalance ran to her next target.

I don't know what I did was right or not. Whether I contributed to her exploitation or I did a good thing. All I know is, that one flash of smile, That particular moment has stayed with me since then. It made me think, reflect and perpetuated this blog.

The dilemma to comply to a beggars demands still remains unresolved for me. But, that one fine moment gave me something to savour for a life time. I finally understood what I could not understand even through various master pieces of art!

That moment.. That wet girl.. Those eyes.. That flash of smile......

So Innocent..
So Ignorant..
So Heart wrenching..
So Tragic..
Yet Beautiful in a way..

Yes.. I finally understood the paradox: Tragically Beautiful.

Prayer of a bleeding heart

I saw her weep.
The lady who is such a warm jovial humorous dynamite, I saw tears in her eyes. And that moment, I felt the unrelenting pain of a breaking heart.

No, not her heart. Mine. My heart broke seeing those honest eyes dwell with tears. I felt her pain and helplessness. She wanted to embrace a new world with honest intentions, but did not know what was going to hit her.Seeing her like that, crushed my heart into pieces.
For me, Hypocrisy of our society/family has always been a great fodder for comedy. But, when this very hypocrisy victimized one of those I had come to care about so much, I was jolted to the cruel reality of prejudice and hate!The memory of us sitting on the bed and her narrating some incidents is as fresh as morning dew in my head. The way she broke down, the way her helplessness came out through those unshed tears!
I just wish I could forget that and move on to my world of sarcasm and humor, where for every ‘right’ things happening around me, my heart offers solace in mirth. But this time, I just cannot. I just cannot laugh it off in any way! I just CANNOT.
I just wish I could lessen her pain or could rewind time and be there for her when she needed someone! But… I can’t do either.
I feel shame that people I love and care about, had roles to play in these turns of events.
I feel helpless that I could do nothing to save her from the unfair treatment she got.
I feel concerned for the people who are so caught up in the hypocritical web of the ‘society norms’ that they fail to value a good heart.

I wish I could shed some tears for this and feel better and move on, but tears and me never really understand each other. I am not fond of them and the feeling is mutual.
And therefore I know what it means when they say, Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. Whatever I wrote above is a silent prayer of a bleeding heart. Prayer to ask God to help people look beyond pride and prejudice and make this world a better place to live in.

Please God. Please. If once again those eyes fill with tears, I am scared that I will lose my strength and courage to react to the unjust, cruel society with humor. And seriously, If I lose that sense of humor, I would could on the verge of committing suicide!!

Help me God. Or, Help Her. Or, just help people love one another. But help.
Prayer of a bleeding heart.

What is the TRUTH after all?

Back to Sach ka Saamna. I wrote about reactions to the show. But now, something more intrigues me. What makes the contestants spill out their darkest secrets on National TV?? After all, Noone wants to wash dirty laundry in public. But here we have people from normal walks of life admitting to having extra marital affairs/one night stands/not loving their spouse/ being molested right in front of their families!!!
These people amaze me but I have to admit, they scare me too. I just cant help but wonder.. these everyday people.. What will make them to make confessions on TV?
What is it that drives them to do that….Money! you said??? Tell me, Are we all such pigs that we can put everything we have: Our family, at stake for a bunch of currency notes? I don’t think so.. That cannot be the reason. I mean.. Think about it. Is that what the world has come to? Because these are not 20 years old gambling away relationships, these are relatively older (in late 30s and 40s) people from a generation that upheld family values and morals above anything else; having pretty much everything at stake. They have families, children… And you are telling me they play with all this for a sum of money. I ask you…For what? Do what with the money.. 10 lakhs?? What maximum can you do with that sum in this age? NO. Money cannot be the answer.
This lady came on the show the other day. Meera Shah. She was like any other auntie of your neighbourhood. And this is all that she admitted to: an extra-marital affair, been molested as a seven year old and having been on vacation without telling her husband—who was seated right there, along with his daughter and brother-in-law and sister-in-law.
My heart skipped a beat with every confession honestly. Her daughter pressed the buzzer when she was asked if she is in love with a man other her husband.. I guess that pretty much ensures what the answer would be. Her brother eventually walked off the show and God, was I relieved that she quit after that!
My question buzzed my head like a stinging venom: Why?? Why did she choose to come to a public forum like this and confess to all this? Why?? For 10 lakhs? (which she won) You got to be kidding me!
And when I think of the alternative answer.. That’s what scares me! The repressed emotions, the compromises, the sacrifices one had made to build a family…
1. those were not always voluntary. And Sach Ka Saamna is a platform to go out and convey the message to your family: See, this is the truth. This is what I am. I have become how you wanted me to because I had responsibilities and cared for all of you. But I have feelings too, which sometimes weren’t what you would want from me! Its like a way to get back to the family and tell them though I put in so much of myself in this relationship, and see how much did you put of yourself? See how much you know me. (SKS quest: Do you feel trapped in your marriage? , Are the relationships which came with Marriage, a baggage?, Do you feel you should have married someone Else?)
2. The repressed emotions. In KANK, Rani Mukherji candidly asks: what if I find my true love after marriage? Good question indeed, though asked in a Karan Johar way. I will say, what if I find someone perfect for me after I am united in sacred matrimony by my family. I can do many things.. suppress these feelings for my now-family. (SKS quest: Are you in love with your husband?) or I give in to the emotion. (Infidelity, SKS quest: Did you have an extra marital affair?) Or, I just secretly nurse that love forever, hoping that it will go with time and my husband will prove to be my knight in shining armour after all!
3. Adjustments/Compromises: The contestants reveal the shallowness of their relationships, esp. with the spouse and these were the marriages which happened in Good Ol’days by everyone’s consent. See, how they have fared in all truth. Yes, she is a perfect wife and he is a perfect husband. But just scratch it a little, and you have SKS confessions.. An ugly truth that Indian society is all about living up an image and not the person you actually are.
4. Honesty: That I conclude from all the confessions, is never a part of any relationship. It looks like that the great Indian Middle class Family is a machine: every component doing their part, and the machine falters if even a small component goes wary. Well, not a good thing. Because Humans are not machines, and they will be happy and I mean ‘truly’ happy if they are where they want to be. I watched-Love Aj Kal, a scene captures everything I want to say: A newly wed bride sitting on the bed while her husband is making plans for their honeymoon. And she suddenly bursts out that she thinks that whatever it was between her and her Ex is still not over! That though now she is married, she is still thinking about her ex which means this is NOT right! Husband is bewildered and the girl just rushes to her Ex, if you have seen the movie you know what happens. If not, watch out. But this one scene explains how much an honest confession to people who matter (Not TV shows) can prevent a lot of heart burn and grievances later. A short term loss is better than a long term one after all. Same holds true for honest confessions. They could be difficult but they are the answer for all the shallowness that has crept in todays lifestyle.
5. Escape from Routine: Well, there is this category too who have had One Night stands despite being happily married. Why? Nope, no reason. They just had. And question: Why they would make such a confession, remains unanswered for this case. May be they are just too confident of their spouse or the fact that what they did was right. Well, Hats off to people who admit to that on TV, I do not know how their better halves would react to it. To each, his own. But, if you ask me, I would have shot my spouse if he would do that.
The list can go on and on.. But still I guess I do not have a definitive answer. The answer which came to my mind, I told you and it SHOCKS me about Middle class India. Because I belong to it. It disturbs me to know there could be so much love lost and between the people I might be knowing too. It shocks to know what the family values we boast about all the time, have actually been formed on so many unwilling sacrifices and adjustments. It shocks me to know so many people from normal walks of life are coming on TV to confess their deep dark secrets without the fear of their Neighbours’ opinions, their Family’s reaction, the outcome of the confession… For reasons unknown.. (or less know). They sure have guts, no doubts. But this whole confession thing sure has some darker under currents. The New Age India can take a bow. Our predecessors have given us a lot to think about by what is popularly known as… Sach Ka Saamna!


P.S. Another question buzzing in my head now: What was the husband thinking (smiling through it all) when Meera Shah made all those confessions?? Is he the all-supportive husband? Or, he was smiling coz he knew It was after all because of him that all that happened? Or, was it that he had done the same things too and was happy that he is not the only one guilty after all!

I work in Shifts!

Yes.. I am also one of those. A small part of the BIG BIG IT crowd. Do I like my job? Lets just say.. I don’t hate it. Then why am I here? The lil something called Recession hit when I was eying a core job. My option was to do my MBA the same year or drop a year. I chose to work and wait for two years, to find out what it is that becomes the lifestyle of grown ups.
I work in shifts, which has some problems. I can’t join any clubs/classes/ My job requires me to work weekends too. Public holidays too, we work. By that I mean, I cant really take up an interest, that has nothing to do with my work, and pursue it passionately outside work.. And that forces me to think: we work to live, not the other way round. Don’t we?
I think all of these my regrets got accumulated and I got this crazy dream one night. That the entire world now works in shifts. Everything is available 24x7. Shops, Multiplex, Malls, theatre, clubs.. everything. People are working in shifts everywhere and trust me.. World seemed a better place! I could learn swimming with my coach at midnight. I could grab my favorite sub sandwich at 2 in the morning (which btw is around lunch time in day hours). I could go shopping for that 1 dress, I always wanted but just did not find enough time to look for it! Since the places to hang out were open 24x7, frequency of meeting with my friends increased 10 folds! We could all sit and bitch about our jobs, peers and everything under the sun!
So here is this crazy idea! Lets have the world working in shifts (3 times the current employment guys! 8x3=24) and bring joy to lakhs of IT people who are not able to do so many more things they want to! And just the idea, that other people are working the same way and not having pity on us for working shifts.
While writing this, I just pondered, is it actually regret which could have got the dream in my head or…Because..
You know.. I sort of like shift pattern despite the obvious disadvantages. If you ask me the reason.. I don’t know exactly why. Probably because I am staying away from my family.. so eating/sleeping on time and festivals etc is not an issue.
It could be: the not-in-routine factor: like, you may have a leave when the entire world around is buzzing around with their daily activites. And you may be fully operational on the day when everyone is at their dormant best.
Shifts have their charm: I work during nights/odd hours and somehow that keeps me connected to my college days. Same way the, we would work the odd hours as the routine thing was just so uncomfortable to follow. And I think, now that I am working in the not-uncomfortable timings, why do I crib?? The thing is: Whatever you have, is never perfect. So its your choice: To focus on the imperfections and miss the charm or focus more on what you can do and take it from there.
I thought like that and kicked myself for blaming the easiest prey ‘shifts’, I can learn swimming… shifts not withstanding. I can join driving classes (shifts might actually help in this case!) I can do whatever I want to.. If only, I decide and not let my laziness come into the way! The sad part is, I am not the only one finding excuses. I know for a fact, everyone (shift people :) ) is! So, this is just an appeal to you all, to stand up and do what you want to. It could be learning a foreign language, amateur theatre, gardening, script-writing, creative writing, learning about the stock market, whatever. Dump away the laziness. We all know, the shift pattern does give us more time for ourselves than our peers doing regular duty. And for my brethren, who are balancing everything well with their shifts… I take inspiration from you!! I just hope this thought wont just fly away and stay with me, that’s why I wrote it down. I need to get rid of my laziness…ASAP!

Is this a good thought??

Hello everyone!
Everyone is covered up these days… masks and gloves and whoa!! What a scene!
Yes! You guessed it…I am coming to Swine Flu.
But actually, I have got a different angle to it.. an insight into human psychology. Ever noticed that a new thing is always looked upon with fear/anxiety. And since, this new thing has nothing good to talk about…We have not fear but PANIC everywhere!
OK, First thing first, I am not against precautions being taken to prevent Swine Flu.
But my point is.. In India, People are willing to wear masks(all sorts! Just walk on the streets of PUne and you would know!), coz there have been around 20 deaths in India coz of the flu but noone wants to wear a condom (apparent from the statistics) although nearly 2 lakh people die of AIDS every year in this country!
Its strange, H1N1 is not lethal in all the cases, it could be if care is not taken. But there are other diseases which are lethal (once you get it, you are gone!), I will just take HIV as an example. Why is it that India is not dealing with this as ferociously as it seems to be addressing the Swine Flu. Yes, you can say this infection has far more chances of spreading than AIDS..agreed. But also, so is the case of common cold and other water borne, air borne diseases. People die of cholera, dysentery all the time and the number is alarmingly higher than Swine Flu case. My question is: Why not the same approach for these diseases as well, is it like a known devil is acceptable than an unknown one?? Are you trying to say, If people are dying of known diseases (Or should I say conditions??? The garbage, the dirty water.. You name it and India’s most cosmopolitan city will show you glaring examples (Rem: Slumdog Millionaire) ) , it is OK. But if a certain new thing rocks the world..My God..PANIC PANIC PANIC!
Why not launch massive campaigns for AIDS (I am not talking about NGOs, from the Government side) which I guess is incomplete without proper sex education being provided in Schools. That, is another issue! Some states (Karnataka, Tamilnadu) have tremendous opposition for this, so what does the government do?? Scrap the thought!! No need of sex education, let people die of STDs and let them get pregnant and get abortion done from not-registered clinics and put them at high risk of a bigger future problem! My question is: When the problem is so glaring and needs to be dealt with aggressively.. why the vote bank politics always win? Why not deal with it the same way and create enough awareness that people wear condoms as willingly as they are putting on the masks these days!
Why not launch (AND complete) the river cleaning drives (whatever happened to Yamuna guys?? We did see pics of our beloved chief minister complete with a broom and all at the banks of the river but as for Yamuna, I guess it will dry up before it is cleaned up! ) so that safe drinking water ensures lesser deaths than usual by cholera/dysentery etc.
Well coming back to my point. Human Psychology. What I think is: If you put enough fear in the minds of people, It works!
The thing is, In india some diseases are just ignored (like the common ones: cholera etc etc) and diseases like AIDS are glamorized more than taken seriously.. Its just that the buzz around the disease somehow demeans its effect on the people. I do not know why is that, may be because it has the ‘s**’ word with it (I could have spelt it, but it is just this thing of keeping it hidden which is probably the answer to my question.. not sure) because, I can bet you 100 000 bucks here that if you ask a common man, he would just tell you it is sexually contracted disease.. no idea about the other means of transmission!
Why not create a dreaded situation for these diseases too?? Our News channels can provide unparalleled help! Their stories are so sensationalized, that can be used…well.. for a good purpose this time. Pull out the statistics for water borne diseases, and tell ppl next time you don’t boil the water that goes down your throat, you might be at the risk of losing your life coz of so and so disease…. (There are more than 200 thousands of deaths happening coz of these diseases) Give the ppl the statistics, make it the front page news on the Newspaper and run 100 stories on it everyday on our beloved 24x7 news channel, drill it into peoples mind that they are going to die if they do not do enough about this and whoa…Democracy will fan its wings and the government will have to take up these issues and address them! All I am saying is, we can use the resources we have (though in a crooked way) to abolish a lot of flak that is around. We can take this Swine Flu hysteria as an example to show us a way to a better, healthier India!

Out Of the Closet!

So the Delhi High Court has given its judgment on Section 377.. yeah an old news. We saw celebrations and joy when SC refused to stay the ruling. The LGBT community can take a sigh of relief…And I just mean a brief small ‘sigh’. Coz with the judgement follows a series of never ending arguments against it. They wanted to be ‘out-of-closet’…Well guys, you are now in the limelight! The thing is…there isn’t anything good about it. Going by the reactions from our religious leaders and the moral police and the ‘conservative’ society (whose only job I guess is to poke their noses in everyone’s business!) , it just seems like a beginning of a long struggle for non-discriminative attitude from the Indian Society.
I have a friend.. he is gay. Only I know of it. (I was not supposed to.. I just bumped into the truth! Pun intended J ) The thing is.. He is not even comfortable in sharing this with his friends.. He thinks though they might not have a problem with it, but if this leaks out and his family comes to know of it, he wouldn’t be able to face them!
Which brings me to the point of discussion: the mental stress due to the Stigma, prejudice… these people must be living in. And honestly, My heart goes out to them. They are damned if they are ‘out-of-the-closet’ and damned ‘if-they-are-in-it’! No wonder, since ages, people did not reveal their sexual inclinations for the fear of society and peers rejection and disdain. Now, in times of Dostana (which by the way did not do any good for LGBT: my opinion again. All the gays were just caricatures..which is so not true.) and Stand up comedies, this is no more an ‘in-the-closet’ issue but all its used for is a few hearty laughs! Which just shows that our society still looks down on these things and acknowledges this only if a demeaning jokes comes out of it.
What our leaders and ‘society’ (whatever constitutes that??) need to know is..it is NORMAL. It might take an effort to drill it in their heads though, but I guess if you put the facts across, their grounds of holding it as a ‘mental disorder’ will become shaky enough to collapse. I will tell you the things I get to hear whenever this topic is up for discussion:
It’s a modern thing. The youth needs something odd to do to get noticed!
I say: PREPOSTEROUS! Modern..did you say??? Well.. The first recorded homosexual couple in history is commonly regarded as Khnumhotep and Niankhkhnum, an Egyptian male couple, who lived around the 2400 BCE. There is a painting showing them in a nose-kissing position, the most intimate pose in Egyptian art. There are many more examples..refer to Wikipedia J The truth is, same-sex love has been referred to since the earliest recorded history.. Digest it!
2. The most common: Its not Normal! Its just one of the twisted outcomes of over functioning human brain!
I say: Just read a bit guys..and when you do: Please register the facts in you head! Not everything is concocted by the ‘twisted’ minds.. Homosexual behavior has been observed in close to 1500 species, ranging from primates to gut worms. Now They don’t happen to have ‘twisted minds’ do they?? Animals just follow their Natural Instincts which help them hunt and fill their stomachs and copulate. So.. This behaviour just cannot be a ‘twisted’ story.
3. The religious leaders claiming to have cured the ‘disease’: Ahem Ahem: Are you not supposed to be ‘brahmachari’?? And if you indeed have lived up to that, you should not be having an idea about sexual behaviors/inclinations. Its not your turf Babas.. So just leave it to the people who enjoy it and don’t want to lie about it! And as for those you claim to have cured.. Ever occurred to you they could have just lied to escape the mental torture of being cured from a disease which is not a disease at all!

You know.. the list can go and on.. But the underlying point is till the point it is consensual between two adults, who are you and me to raise eyebrows! What people do in their bedrooms is strictly their business. Not any Baba’s, or any MP’s and certainly not ‘society’s’ (what is that again??) So, lets just try and leave them alone and not judge them on their sex lives. And if you just cant help not poking your noses into other people business…Focus on Sex crimes: Sodomy, Rapes... Raise these issues.. Safety of womean and children. Focus on spreading awareness against STDs. Try to get involved with the Sex Education programmes. Raise a protest against those who are against Sex Education in Schools. Channelize your energies for the right issues and you may help in building a better society!
P.S. Leave these guys alone.. Just imagine if you had the whole world discussing what you do with your partner in Bed is right/wrong/unnatural/abnormal……..
Did you say… Disgusting?? Exactly My point!

Sach Ka Saamna?

So its Sach ka Samna these days, that’s keeping the 24x7 News channels in business these days. Opinions? Galore! Most of us …the ‘liberal’ ones say… Its their life..If they want to say the truth and ruin it…let them! You have a problem?? Switch the channel!
Ah..yes! I agree… but that brings me to something that I want to discuss. The MPs who we all know have major issues to handle and take care of…think it to be right to devote that time to a TV show. And ya.. Lets not forget the case that was filed, When there are innumerous cases pending in Indian Courts.

Which brings me to my question, what makes these politicians choose Sach ka Saamna over glaring issues like Poverty, Foreign Relations, Commonwealth Games etc etc. Well, the answer is: Raise the popular issue and you get eyeballs..And you find people talking about you. Some may support you too. But the minute you talk about things like Poor people, free food…..etc etc.. it all becomes blah blah to a persons ear.
Lets face it. Everyone wants their 15 seconds of fame. And Sach ka Saamna is providing that to the contestants (alongwith money), to the channel and everyone associated. Also to the MPs and who ever is crying over it.

My personal opinion? Well, here is a show that finally puts the Indian Hypocrisy right in front, in open. We see the regular housewives, cricketers, TV stars telling the ‘truth’… And this shows tells us that whatever we would do is actually what others would do too in a similar situation. Difference? Just that, its hidden well behind a mask put up for ‘society’. The same reason people know us differently than what we actually are. Samples? Look on…

A housewife said she felt like killing her husband at a point of time. (he was alcoholic/beat her etc) Her yes brought a lot of shock from the audience. But when a certain Aishwarya Rai kills her husband in Provoked, it was expected/desired by the same audience, which by the way is again inspired by a true story.

Movies like Kambhaqt Ishq, openly talking about what a man wants (just 1 thing: yeah you guessed it) go on to become a superhit with a U/A certificate from Censor Board but when a contestant answers that he had imagined someone else while being intimate with his wife..all hell break lose! So, here is the crux, till the time it is parosofied as fiction: its fine for everyone. But just when you are told its reality too…the hypocrite stomachs start churning.

A wife said she would not mind physical relationship with another man if her husband doesn’t come to know. Her Reply: No. This was detected as a lie in the show. The husbands face fell and noone could have missed that.
That brings me to another fallacy of the relationships today. Her husband undoubtedly will always carry the impression that his wife would cheat on him if she finds a chance. This irrespective of the fact that Lie detector is not reliable, a reason why it is not used as an evidence in court. Also, what is troubling is, all the years this lady spent in nurturing her family is down the drain. I can bet you 100 thousand she would listen to this taunt everytime there is a tiff in the house! Which is sad because it shows a mirror to the strength of the relationship.

But then you might say its human tendency. Yes it is. But human tendencies are overcome if something precious is at stake. Ask a guy who sees a hot girl in a disc and doesn’t make a move because he loves his GF. Or, the teetotaler friend who wouldn’t take a sip in a booze party because of a promise she made to someone she loves! And, That’s my point. Is a relationship is strong, it stays and understands that a Lie detector is just a physiological parameters testing machine, which is 100 times more prone to error than a human being!

So, to all my friends who have a problem with Sacch ka Saamna:Go ahead and look within. Find the fears which trouble you when Rajeev asks a question to a contestant and you will find out what is lacking in your life…relationships..in YOU and what was it, you never wanted to admit because life is so much easier otherwise! Face them and fight them and you might just be looking at a person who has cleared his agneepariksha and came out shining!!