To Give or Not to Give?

To Give or Not to Give?
A dime to a beggar.

The question in present day scenario is: Is it Right or Wrong?
Are we actually helping by keeping few coins in their dirt smeared hands? Or, are we just encouraging the Big Whole Begging Mafia, where the children are caught in villages and amputated to arouse sympathy in the people at a Traffic signal.

Its true we will never be able to find out the reality behind these Traffic Signals. At the same time, It is equally hard not be shaken up by these small children carrying babies and telling you they have not eaten anything since days! We 'intellectuals' read and are aware, we know the behind-the-scenes truth of it all, That, these children are exploited by the Street Mafia for street money. Which makes it a conflicting situation for us, It is not charity anymore. It has become a question of Right or Wrong.

Few days back on the Railway station, a small girl- Imagine any child artist from Slumdog Millionaire of the age 6-8; tugged my Kurta and looked into my Eyes with a hopeless expression. Her Eyes swayed with total nonchalance. But in that one instant, I heard her say a thousand words.. Not of her hard life, but of the fact that she did not expect me to comply to her demand. I could sense that she was restless to go to the next person and was just waiting for me to nod my head and shoo her away! Her Child Like Innocence which was so ignorant of the hardships she has unknowingly set herself to endure in her growing years, crushed my heart!
That was her Routine. That is what she was taught to make a living. That is what she has learned at her impressionable age.

Asking. Begging.

Her Remarkable Eyes.. told the story of her nonchalance to the rejection she faced everytime she uttered those words- probably the only words she knows how to speak fluently in 3 languages!.... kuch nahi khaya is and in native etc etc.

At that moment all my senses were focused on her. The heinous cruelty of this world hit me yet another time, and I just gave away all the change I had to that girl. She looked at me, smiled and then with the same charateristic nonchalance ran to her next target.

I don't know what I did was right or not. Whether I contributed to her exploitation or I did a good thing. All I know is, that one flash of smile, That particular moment has stayed with me since then. It made me think, reflect and perpetuated this blog.

The dilemma to comply to a beggars demands still remains unresolved for me. But, that one fine moment gave me something to savour for a life time. I finally understood what I could not understand even through various master pieces of art!

That moment.. That wet girl.. Those eyes.. That flash of smile......

So Innocent..
So Ignorant..
So Heart wrenching..
So Tragic..
Yet Beautiful in a way..

Yes.. I finally understood the paradox: Tragically Beautiful.

Prayer of a bleeding heart

I saw her weep.
The lady who is such a warm jovial humorous dynamite, I saw tears in her eyes. And that moment, I felt the unrelenting pain of a breaking heart.

No, not her heart. Mine. My heart broke seeing those honest eyes dwell with tears. I felt her pain and helplessness. She wanted to embrace a new world with honest intentions, but did not know what was going to hit her.Seeing her like that, crushed my heart into pieces.
For me, Hypocrisy of our society/family has always been a great fodder for comedy. But, when this very hypocrisy victimized one of those I had come to care about so much, I was jolted to the cruel reality of prejudice and hate!The memory of us sitting on the bed and her narrating some incidents is as fresh as morning dew in my head. The way she broke down, the way her helplessness came out through those unshed tears!
I just wish I could forget that and move on to my world of sarcasm and humor, where for every ‘right’ things happening around me, my heart offers solace in mirth. But this time, I just cannot. I just cannot laugh it off in any way! I just CANNOT.
I just wish I could lessen her pain or could rewind time and be there for her when she needed someone! But… I can’t do either.
I feel shame that people I love and care about, had roles to play in these turns of events.
I feel helpless that I could do nothing to save her from the unfair treatment she got.
I feel concerned for the people who are so caught up in the hypocritical web of the ‘society norms’ that they fail to value a good heart.

I wish I could shed some tears for this and feel better and move on, but tears and me never really understand each other. I am not fond of them and the feeling is mutual.
And therefore I know what it means when they say, Tearless grief bleeds inwardly. Whatever I wrote above is a silent prayer of a bleeding heart. Prayer to ask God to help people look beyond pride and prejudice and make this world a better place to live in.

Please God. Please. If once again those eyes fill with tears, I am scared that I will lose my strength and courage to react to the unjust, cruel society with humor. And seriously, If I lose that sense of humor, I would could on the verge of committing suicide!!

Help me God. Or, Help Her. Or, just help people love one another. But help.
Prayer of a bleeding heart.